I'm tired. I say that every single day of my life. I say it when I have done very little physical labor. (Yes, I'm out of shape. Yes, I'm still overweight. This is not why I'm tired.) Frankly, I'm not physically tired. Most of the time, I feel like I could keep going and keep going. .... my brain isn't tired. I have to beg for this thing to be turned off so I can sleep. I'm fed up with all of the drama and crap sort of tired. I will drag all week at work. Because I need coffee? Because I need rest and sleep? NO. It is because I'm done. I've checked out. My job is interfering with what is actually important. I'm not doing great work there, and I don't mean because I suck at my job.... I mean, I feel like what I do is very unimportant, and it doesn't help me live the way I believe I should.
I'm not just trying to grumble and complain. But, if that's how this reads, too bad. I have to get this stuff out.
It isn't going to make a difference if I am at my job on any given day. Truly. Would it be a total pain for everyone else there if I was gone? Yeah, I'm sure. They'd get over it once they realized I wasn't coming back. Grand scheme, I'm a peon in a company of thousands. Easily replaced. No great, important, life changing work being done.
So, I'm going to stop worrying that I might hurt the feelings of anyone at that place if I go out and do something worthwhile. If it hurts her (I can say that because the entire office is women, minus one guy who is already quitting), then she doesn't care about my wellbeing, or who I am in real life. (What do you mean that your job isn't real life?! Heresy! Lunacy!)
I'm taking my life back. Slowly? Yes. Momma's got to pay the bills (and there are a bunch of them) ... but I'm doing it, dang it!
So, what about you? Do you love your job? Do you feel like you're making a difference? Are you living? I'm pretty much dry bones trying to live again. .... so the struggle IS real. ... I'm guessing yours is too.
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