the true beginning of this .... thing.

The following post is ridiculous.  I shared these ramblings with my sweet friend, ST, and she told me to start a blog or write a book.  I don't have enough connected thoughts for a book, plus that's work!  You can thank her for my mind being unleashed on the Internets.  Enjoy the true beginning of this .... thing.

As I bask in the air conditioning, still wearing my Sunday’s best, watching the 13th inning of a major league baseball game, I cannot stop my mind from concocting scenarios to get me out of this!  It is Sunday evening, the impending threat of Monday’s stress, ripping my happiness away.  I keep thinking, I would gladly give up air conditioning (you don’t even know how huge that is for me!), baseball, a proper kitchen, and everything else to be free from the prison of my life.  I’m living the “American Dream” - I have a great corporate job, I have TWO houses, I drive a fantastic automobile, I have a family who loves me, I’m respected in my church family, and I am the proud owner of an ocean of debt (to drown in).  What more could a girl ask for?!

Well, this girl is asking for a way out!  I love all of the stories of the saints (and other Jesus freaks) who walked away from their lives to follow Jesus.  HEY!  Look over here!  I WANT TO DO THAT!  There’s just one problem, walking away from financial obligations is not viewed as the same brave act as walking away from a fortune.  It just wouldn’t be as frilly to say - oh, that lady turned her back on $ridiculousdollaramount of debt to follow Jesus.  PFFT!  Who couldn’t do that?  Maybe you.  Definitely me - or I wouldn’t be writing this!

I never intended to have two houses, a minivan when I don’t have kids, or a mountain of debt.  But here I am.  I live my life, day by day, hoping that God will be pleased with any tiny thing I can do for him.  Even if it is keeping my mouth shut when all I want to do is tell my boss to bite me.  There are so many things that keep me from walking away from the debt mountain and the other burdens in my life.  What will happen to my credit?  How will I ever get a different job if I need one?  What will I really do - beg people for money?  What will become of my sweet pets?  Will my family lock me up and medicate me for mental illness?  Do I really like this stress because it gives me a purpose - because what will I really even do?!

All I know is what I wouldn’t do.  I wouldn’t waste my time stressing out over corporate junk that just doesn’t matter.  I wouldn’t worry about what anyone else wanted for me.   I wouldn’t hold on to the things I should hand over to Jesus.  And I wouldn’t waste an opportunity to share the love of Christ.